Picture the scene; the music’s thumping at Groovy Trooper’s Vision Serpent party, a DJ (who shall not be named) is whipping the crowd into a frenzy. So much so, that a girl – who’s managed to climb on stage – is grooving big time to the beats. The Red Jackets have spotted her presence and are on the move. Grooving Girl notices them and makes a dash for it, en route she takes a detour, crawls under the DJ’s table and – wait for it – kisses his foot.Now I don’t know about you, but people’s feet at outdoor parties? Think I’ll keep my lips to myself. Anyway, it’s the psychology of Grooving Girl that interests me. What’s behind her urge to jump on stage? To shake her money-maker in front of, oh, say 2000 of her peers. And then to seal it all with a kiss…
Diagnosis? Grooving Girl is a Stage Invader. She comes dangerously close to being a groupie with her foot kissing antics, but an invader is what she is. You see the Stage Invader is a different beast to the groupie. Whereas the former gets its kicks from soaking up the energy created by a musician, much like a musical vampire, the groupie defers – waiting in the wings, preened and pouting.
Historically groupies have had an understanding with security; they’re a pawn to get them to their king. These days, groupies rove in smaller more secretive packs as their hobby isn’t as fashionable as it once was. This has left the gambit wide open for the Stage Invader – and they’re not finding it hard at all to clamber onto the hallowed stage. The reason for this? Well, security is normally tight for massive gigs, but it’s at the smaller events that these fanatic fans slip through. That, and traditionally DJs haven’t been afforded the same protection.
But there are some things that the Red Jackets can keep in mind; for one, Stage Invaders have certain mannerisms that make them easy to spot in the wild. The most common of these is the Victory Thrust. Let me explain; the goal is to get on stage, once this has been achieved, the Stage Invader commences the Victory Thrust: hands up in the air – look at me I did it!
Their Victory Thrust is validated; invading a stage is a brave thing to do. You risk humiliation, the ire of the performer and the possibility of being injured. Injury? Oh, yes. A couple of years back at a gig at Mercury Live I watched a girl shaking her booty on top of a speaker. She was wearing sky-scraper heels and not much else. The punchline? An unexpected stage dive.
Unfortunate as this girl’s tumble was, some invaders no matter what the, er, fall out is, keep coming back for more, let’s call them The Repeat Offenders (TRO) (Red Jackets take note). In the TRO’s minds, they’re delivering a service; they’re ‘revving up the crowd’ for goodness sake! Hey the DJ needs them! Right…
At a recent party, I saw a TRO on stage, looking rather glum. There the TRO was, performing its Victory Thrust, and this time actually looking as if it was delivering a service, an obligatory duty. Its usually colourful mannerisms were instead grim and robotic. It got me wondering, then why do it? Perhaps, the TRO is so entrenched in its cheerleader role that it forgot that the dancefloor, not the stage, is the perfect place to express its sincere love for music.
It’s not all doom and gloom, Stage Invaders can be quite entertaining, and occasionally there is room for them on stage, say with the newbie DJ as his posse for support. Or hanging out with the deep night collective passing around a bottle of tequila.
That being said, arm yourself musicians, there’s only one way to deal with stage invaders: get an 8-bit laser cannon and move slowly from left to right, shooting them as you go (pew pew). Who knows? You may even score.
Written By : The Little Misfit
Picture By : Keli van der Weijde
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